Monday, April 14, 2014 Willa's Lemonade Cheesecakes
“Where have you been?”
“What have you been doing?”
“Why haven't you posted a new recipe?”
These are frequent questions from my readers. And I’d love to tell you all that I've been busy filming my own show, or that I couldn't come to the computer because I was elbow deep in tomato sauce, but the truth is sadly something very different.
At 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant my husband and I lost our little girl. Her heart just stopped, and we don't know why. We never got to hear her voice, or see her smile, or know what she looks like when she first wakes up. We never got to have all those “firsts” that we had excitedly anticipated.
We were ready for her: diapers unpacked, tiny clothes in her dresser and a place for her to rest her head right next to mommy. It was supposed to be the week we brought her home, the week we stumbled our way through parenthood, laughing as we put diapers on backwards and figuring out the difference between a “boppy” and a “breast-friend”.
But that's just not what happened.
Now this is the point where you may be thinking “this is such a private thing, why write about it on the internet?” Let me explain...
In my personal life everyone from my dry cleaner to the grocery store employees knew about my baby girl, and they watched day to day as my belly grew and grew (yes, I go to the grocery store every day). And then at 6 months pregnant she made her first TV appearance on the Food Network Star Finale. On national TV I stood there, belly in-tow, and told the whole world all about how blissfully happy we were to be growing our family.
So when we didn't bring her home and all these people started asking about her, we had to tell them. We had to share this very personal information, and we suddenly found ourselves having intimate moments with the most random people.
And then there came questions from all of you, my internet family. People would innocently ask how my baby was doing or how motherhood was treating me and I would have to tell them the truth. It's 2014, the internet age doesn’t allow for secrets.
But along the way I realized something. I didn't just have to tell them, I wanted to tell them, I wanted to tell everyone.
Every time someone asked, I got to tell another person about my daughter. I got to tell them that we named her Willa and that she had my ears, and lips, and that we even shared that little dimple on my chin. I got to say how big she was at 8lbs 4oz and how her hands were the longest I'd ever seen. I got to tell them how beautiful and absolutely perfect she was. And as I talked about her, I found that for a moment, though fleeting, I was truly happy. I may have tears in my eyes when describing her big cheeks and dark hair, but I want you to ask about her because when you do, she lives on just a little bit more every time.
I am constantly trying to find ways to remember her, to honor her. So as I am getting back on the horse and finding my way back into the kitchen I love so much, I knew my first recipe would have to be for her, for my Willa.
I know what she liked because we spent a lot of time together. And she often made her requests known. Lemonade became something I could not live without, and she sent me searching all over NYC for the perfect blend of lemons and water. Sugar was request number 2 and she would demand it constantly and in many different forms. And last, let us not forget, the cheese.
And so I thought I would take all these things and make baby Lemonade Cheesecakes for her. Sweet and tart and just what she liked.
RECIPE:
2 8oz Bars of Cream Cheese, room temp
1/3 + ½ Cup Sugar, seperated
⅛ Cup Corn Starch
⅛ Cup + ¼ Cup Heavy Whipping Cream, room temp
1.5 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 Lemon, juice + zest
1 Egg, room temp
6 mini graham cracker crusts
Topping:
6 Tbs sugar
Whipped Cream
Sour Patch Kids
- In a food processor or mixer combine 1 bar of cream cheese, 1/3 cup sugar and ⅛ cup corn starch and mix until smooth.
- Add 1 more bar of cream cheese and process untill well incorporated.
- Add heavy whipping cream, ½ cup sugar, vanilla extract, lemon and pulse to combine.
- Finally add the egg and mix until smooth and free of lumps.
- Pour mixture into individual graham cracker crusts and bake in a water bath for 20-25min in a 350 degree oven. Once set, turn off oven and leave cheesecakes in the oven as it cools. Once the oven is cool and the cheesecakes are close to room temperature, remove and let sit in the fridge for at least 1hr.
- When ready to serve place 1Tbs of sugar on the top of each cheesecake, spread around and then tap off any excess.
- Brulee the sugar with a torch or under your broiler (instruction HERE).
- Serve topped with whipped cream and sour patch kids.
Makes 6-8 mini cheesecakes
You might also like these recipes:
Brocolli Tacos
Spinach + Artichoke Bites
Challah Hangover Sandwich
Berry Keylime "Cheesecake"
Popovers
Reader Comments (55)
This is a beautiful tribute to your beautiful baby girl. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Sending prayers, Nikki.
Beautiful post and tribute.
Nikki,
This is the most touching blog post I've ever read. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I know Willa is giddy with excitement at this recipe.
My heart breaks for you, but your strength is inspiring.
Lauren
Nikki, I am Kelly Thompson's aunt, I've followed your story through her. I am so very very sorry for your loss, but your post is so beautiful! God Bless.
Omg, I am so incredibly sorry about this news! I not only watched you on FNS but share a love of healthy food and cooking and thought your POV was just what today's world needed. I was happy to see in the finale you were expecting. We have 3 little girls who I try to teach healthy eating tips to and thought you'd do a great job doing it with your kids. Although i have no idea just what you're going through, my heart breaks for you...... I'm glad you can share those details of your little girl to others. I will be proud to try Willa's Lemonade Cheesecakes......
Our thoughts and prayers will be with you......
Courtney
So incredibly beautiful. This really hits home with me.
You touched the deepest part of my soul with
This. I know your pain and you have put words to
It so beautifully. 💛
Thank you for being so incredibly brave and sharing your intimate story with us. My heart breaks for your loss. May you find peace in knowing that Willa is in the mighty arms of God and that you will one day be reunited.
What an amazing way to honor and share the story of your little girl. You are a brave and strong woman Nikki. I hope and pray that you and your husband continue to find happiness and peace in your life. Thank you for sharing your very private story.
Nikki, I am Kelly Thompson's aunt, I've followed your story through her. I am so very very sorry for your loss, but your post is so beautiful! God Bless.
Welcome back Nikki. It takes a very strong woman to share a very private loss. Especially one there is no explanation for. I try to believe that things happen for a reason and you may not know the reason now, but somehow, someday you will. She'll always be in your hearts, your special angel. May you have more blessings coming your way! Find peace.
Keep cooking!!
Oh Nikki, as I read your blog post, tears are streaming down my face and my heart grieves for you and your husband. What a beautiful tribute to your little love. I am confident that she will make her presence known in little ways until you are finally able to see that sweet smile and hold her hand. Wishing you all the best as you continue to both grieve and celebrate her. xxx
Nikki, this is beautiful and so, so sad. My nephew was also born sleeping, and while it's nowhere near the same, I have seen second hand the ripples it causes. Peace and love to your family... Talk about her always, she sounds amazing and beautiful.
My heart goes out to you and your family. What a beautiful tribute to sweet Willa. Know that many of your fans are right behind you during this difficult time.
I am so saddened to learn of your news and am only wishing positive things for you and your family.
Nikki, when I saw the finale of the Food Network Star, I was giddy with excitement to see that you were pregnant, and I have been checking your blog daily ever since hoping to see a birth announcement. But then, my heart broke for you and your husband when I read this post. I know that your daughter was absolutely beautiful and perfect, and I am so inspired by your inner strength to carry on. This post is a wonderful tribute to your sweet baby girl Willa. Keep her memory alive and celebrate her life! God bless.
I understand. My third grandchild should be celebrating a second birthday but I never had the chance to meet her. So sorry for your loss. Prayers for your Willa.
Absolutely beautiful <3 God Bless
Dearest Nikki,
When you first broke the news of the passing of Willa (I think it was through Facebook) my heart bled for you. Many times the word 'loss' is used. Although many people share differing beliefs, I believe that Willa is not lost at all. I have a feeling she is looking down on you and your husband and smiling every time you mention her name. I believe that she is giggling with other angel babies. I believe she is teaching other children about vegetables and fruits and how delicious they are. I believe she will be at the gates of Heaven waiting for your arrival. Who knows, maybe she is playing with my Angel Baby.
Willa will always be a special part of your life. Honoring her with this recipe is just perfect. I think there is going to be a shortage of lemons soon as I think many people will honor your family by trying this recipe! :-)
Blessings to you and your family. Know you're not alone!
Very sincerely,
Amy Belowch
Nikki, it's a lovely tribute.
I'm so sorry and wish you a peaceful heart with the passage of time. Willa sounds just extraordinary!
You were my favorite on Food Network Star. It breaks my heart to hear about your loss. I'm sure she would love these cheesecakes. I look forward to making them!